Romance Scammers Are Targeting Lonely Aged Citizens This Christmas

1. Know who you’re talking to

‘Catfishing,’ where a person online is pretending to be someone they are not, is more common than you think. In fact, there’s a whole TV show about it!

In the initial stages of finding a potential partner, you want to talk to them, get to know them and open up to them yourself to see if you’re a good match.

However, there are some warning signs to look out for if you’re dealing with a catfish. Someone who has only the bare minimum information on their dating profile could be a fake or someone with only a couple of photos or low-quality photos.

To know for sure before meeting, why not try a video call to put your mind at ease? If someone consistently refuses to go on video, it should raise alarm bells. You could even request a video of them saying a specific thing to prove they are real.

Not everyone online is a catfish, but it is better to be safe than sorry. Turning up to a date and discovering the person you have been talking to and grown a connection with is not real can be distressing and often ruins people’s trust in online dating.

Do not overshare and keep your boundaries

Now you have verified who you’re talking to, it is still important to stay vigilant. Unfortunately, some people can take advantage of an emotional connection and your trust in them. As someone with good intentions, it is easy to expect the same from others and assume they too have pure and truthful intentions.

With online dating, it is vital you have your boundaries. Never be afraid to say no, and if someone makes you feel bad or uncomfortable for upholding these boundaries, they are not meant for you! If someone makes you uncomfortable, there is always the option to block and even report them.

For example, never share details about your bank cards and address, and keep personal information about your family and your specific routines to a minimum. Never send someone money or explicit photos either and make sure any photos you do send, no personal information is visible in the background, like a letter with your address on it. Never give out your passwords, email, phone number or other social media accounts until you know this person well enough.

Safely meeting your potential match

When setting up a face-to-face meeting with the person you’ve been talking to, make sure the butterflies in your stomach are from excitement and not anxiety. So, you’ve talked online and video-called, and you’re both ready to take it to the next stage and meet in real life.

When setting up a date, make sure it is in a neutral and public place. Why not suggest a coffee at a café, lunch at a restaurant, a walk in a well-known park or shopping at the mall? A public place is the safest option as there are a lot of people around. If someone seems pushy to meet in private, at your home or their home, this is a major red flag, especially when meeting for the first time. Similarly, if a person only wants to meet at night when fewer people are around, so it’s a good idea to set an earlier time during the day.

Now the date is set up in a public place, it is a good idea to inform your family, friends or caregiver of who you are meeting, when and where. This gives another layer of safety as if something doesn’t go well, people know where to find you and who you are with. Send them a screenshot of their dating profile so they have a face to the name too. You can even set up location sharing with trusted people so they can keep an eye on you.

Managing expectations and communication

Now you have advice for protecting your personal safety, it is also important to think about your emotional safety when dating online. This is where good communication and being realistic about your expectations come in.

Do not try to replace a previous partner, rush into a relationship or worry about what people think of you. Be yourself and someone out there will love it! Try not to go into a blooming relationship with strict expectations. Things don’t always go to plan when dating, things don’t always work out and that’s okay!

That being said, clear communication about what you are looking for from dating is important, so you know you are both on the same page, as well as discussing past relationships and your vision for the future. Not communicating about these things can lead to conflict and misunderstandings. Talking to and listening to each other will only strengthen your bond.

Red flags to look out for

Now you are well informed about the biggest safety concerns with online dating as an older adult and the expert tips to help, here are some additional red flags to look out for and subtle tactics often used to manipulate seniors.

Declaring love for you on the first date or becoming attached very quickly is something to be wary of. As lovely as you are, real and mature adults do not do this. There could be an ulterior motive if they are moving too quickly.

They ask you a lot of questions… too many questions, very personal ones like those about your address, workplace, date of birth or other information which could be used to commit fraud like identity theft.

They insist on keeping your relationship hidden from their friends and family. Understandably, some people want to take it slow, but to keep you a secret for long is a red flag.

They ask you for money or financial help. Never fall for this. Only when you are in a secure, trusting relationship should you consider this, never after only a few dates.

You notice they know things about you that you never shared with them. This could be a sign they have found and stalked your social media pages.

They exhibit controlling or obsessive behaviour or otherwise show signs they are unpredictable and not in control of their emotions. Maybe they get irrationally angry or upset over small things, always want to know what you’re doing, call you and text you too much, or even try to control what you wear, what you eat and who you see.

Things they tell you do not add up to their online profile or other things they have told you. This could be an indication they are lying to you for some reason. If they only ever offer vague answers to your questions or avoid answering certain things, their identity could be faked.

James Rodgers, head of Dating at Senior Lovers, commented,

“Online dating should be both safe and enjoyable for seniors looking to find companionship, especially during the festive season. While it’s important to stay cautious by verifying identities, setting boundaries, and meeting in public, dating should be a fun experience filled with meaningful connections.

“Approach it with an open mind, realistic expectations, and clear communication about what you want. Engaging in shared activities, enjoying light-hearted conversations, and taking things at your own pace can make the process exciting rather than stressful. With the right precautions outlined here and a positive mindset, online dating can be a safe, fulfilling journey to new friendships and love.”